Victoria's Secret, I'm sorry but my breasts are not that big.

To continue where we left off, last weekend I went shopping for dresses for tonight's wedding. As usual I felt a little like goldilocks, things either didn't fit right or in person they didn't have the same appeal. I found one dress that I put on hold, a little black sparkly number (and yet not one of the ones I showed previously) that definitely had the ability to be worn again. But there was something about it that didn't have me super excited like I should be.

So I headed downstairs to yet ANOTHER dress department in Nordstrom. Seriously, how many departments do they need? I always get turned around there. Anyway...this is where I found THE DRESS.

This is the one, but my dress is in navy. I put it on and at first it seemed a little bland to me, but M was convinced this was it. That's when I figured it out...it was too long. The designer (Mark & James by Badgley Mischka) thinks every woman is 6 feet tall so it was hitting my knees. A quick call to the alterations department had the hem ready to be shortened and a little tuck at the zipper and we were good to go. You know, until I saw the price tag. Cue eyes bulging and a slight amount of hyperventalating until I calmed myself down. I remembered I had a large gift card that would bring it down to reasonable levels. Thank goodness for that. Pair the dress with some strappy silver heels and some purply nail polish on my toes and I'm good to go.

It's actually darker purple than this.

I went to pick it back up on Wednesday when the alterations were done and at the same time needed to pick up a new strapless bra. This is where I decided the only thing worse than shopping for new jeans is a new bra. I know some people say bathing suits, but this was just lame.

Confidential: my breasts are not any kind of crazy size. I've had small ones for most of my life and can go braless no problem. Last year or so I gained a little bit of weight and I went up to a 34B and I was happy. Normal sized boobs.

Logically when I started shopping and a sales girl came over I told her 34B, right? I grab a couple different ones, heading into the dressing room and surprise! None of them fit right. Some the band was too small (hello weight), some the cups were overflowing. The poor sales girl comes to check on me and I'm babbling like an idiot stating "either my boobs grew or these sizes are crazy!" She wants to measure me just to make sure. Cue sighs on my end.

"Your band size is right, but I think you need a bigger cup size. Let me get you a C"

*blinks*

Umm...ok.

Surprisingly these fit like a glove. Maybe my boobs grew?

I pick a bra and head to pay and thankfully it's less than the dress. But no, I'm not done feeling crappy. I head over to Victoria's Secret.

Victoria's Secret normally isn't so bad. Most the bras I buy are from there and they're comfy plus kind of cute/sexy depending on what I'm wearing that day. So I thought, "hey, I saw a pink cheetah strapless online, let's try that on".

I start the process again. Talk to the sales girl, she wants to size me and says I'm a 34B. Let's go to the dressing room.

Surprise! This one doesn't fit. Salesgirl gives me the next cup size up.

Double surprise! This one doesn't really fit either. Band size is fine, but that little bit between your breasts is far enough out that I can put a few pencils in there.

Me: "Umm...I don't think this fits either".

Salesgirl: "No way, it fits perfectly."

Me: "Do you see this" *points*

Salesgirl: "Oh, it's supposed to be like that."

NO IT IS NOT!

Me: "Hmm, I think I need to think about this a little more."

*walks out*

*end scene*

There was no way I was going to buy a 34D - and if you've seen me you'd know there's no way in hell my boobs are that big. Thanks Victoria's Secret for making me feel fat.

But on another note...I hope to have wedding pics soon enough. We head up tonight, should be fun!