Wednesday, May 25, 2011


I'm feeling behind. Right now pretty much everything in my life is normal (at least my normal), but I have this sense of being just about 1 or 2 steps behind where I need to be. My internal to-do list (and my external one) keeps getting checked off, but it seems there's either too much on it or I just can't keep up.

Like I should be popping a pill.

I have anxiety, this has always been a constant. It got pretty bad a few years ago and I started taking medication, but after a mixture of that and trying to realize the reason behind my anxiety I've been able to control it...mostly. There's the occasional panic attack, my heart or head racing but I don't freak out anymore. I realize what it is and can make it though.

What's tripping me up this time is that I don't have any of those symptoms, just the feeling of being behind. I have phone calls to make, emails to return, appointments to go to and tasks at work to complete. I have a 30th birthday sneaking up on me and I still don't know how I feel about that.

Maybe I'm not ready. Turning 30 seems like you have all your shit together. You're responsible, an adult. Someone people look to for answers (both in business and personal). Am I there already? Am I just scared?

I don't have the answers. But maybe this feeling will pass as quickly as it snuck up on me.
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