Friday, January 15, 2010

Girls Next Door

There are these two girls that recently moved into the apartment next door to my boyfriend. This would be all fine & dandy (we don't really socialize w/any of the neighbors) but these girls make me want to punch them in the face. They're probably about 20 years old and have so much to learn, so if I could - I would say the following to know, if they wouldn't look at me like the crazy woman next door.

Dear girls next door,

I don't know what the situation was the other night, but I wish you and your friends would realize that the walls around here are kind of thin. When your boyfriends start arguing out on the stairs, we can hear everything. And when they migrate to on our doorstep? I can see everything from that little peep hole and will stare with intense scrutiny. I want you to take some life lessons to heart. Trust me on this stuff, I'm a lot older (even though I don't look it) and like to think I'm a little wiser over making it almost through my 20s w/o too much heartache & pain.

Those boys? Not even close to worth it. The fact that they almost got in a full on physical fight on the doorstep is not a manly show of affection, it's something that assholes do. I know it feels empowering on your end and almost warm & fuzzy to see two guys fighting over you, but you'll realize later that those are the guys you need to stay far away from. And coming out to say "we don't want any drama" is such a cop out. We both know that you thrive on the drama, it's part of your nature.

Bad boys have such an appeal at your age (yes, I know I just said "your age" w/a straight face) and I know it's part of growing up, but if you can get out of that stage quickly you will feel way less heartbreak. The good guys are out there and although you find them boring right now you'll find one later that will light up your life and make you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

But for now, please remember that even though you don't have a job to go to (just school that starts around 10am) some of us do. We don't need to hear you running up and down the stairs at 2am because you've been hanging out with the older dudes upstairs. And I know you're not exclusive w/any of them (why should you be?) but that many guys coming through the revolving door to your apartment makes you seem like a slut. Just FYI. ;-)

Your neighbor's girlfriend


  1. You should type that letter and stick in their door, but signed anonymously. Sometimes they need to hear it from someone else to learn their lesson.

  2. This is why I used to take out the peephole on my door, so I could pepper spray others through it when necessary.

  3. ah the joys of apartment living... always entertaining.

  4. Oy. So glad our building is mostly seniors: at the very least, there's zero bounding up and down the stairs... ;)

  5. I had those neighbors last year. Apartment might as well be living in a youth hostel. Sometimes entertaining, but most of the time it's downright inrritating.


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